Brokenness and sacrifice (Oct 29-Nov 4)
This week’s snapshots:
Happy Saturday, nerds~
Y’all. This week’s pictures are about as close to my actual camera reel as any I’ve ever sent 😂 Them’s the things I needed to show my future self or other people in my immediate vicinity. We are trying to maximize our productivity here and now so that we can finish our tasks and enjoy Thanksgiving~
As I stood worshiping during service on Sunday, tears streaming down my face, I told the Lord I feel like a shattered jar. Perhaps once I was capable of carrying oil, even pouring it out where and as befitted the moment, but now? I am an endless ridge of cutting edges, oil dribbling uselessly (assuming there even is oil left) through the cracks. Anything that draws near to me risks damage.
“When will I be broken enough for you, Lord?”
When you hear the word “sacrifice,” what do you immediately think of? The word to me always has a connotation of suffering. In order for my sacrifice to truly be given to God, it must become unusable to me. That’s why the Israelites had to murder their flocks, right? To surrender the economic value of their herds so they could prove He alone was their provider? To drain their bank accounts and rely more surely on Him? 🎶Give, give, give🎶 Relient K sang in 2007 🎶until there’s nothing else, until it all runs out; I’ll have no regrets, I’ll give until there’s nothing left!🎶
That’s certainly the rhetoric and connotation of sacrifice I was raised on.
And what’s crazy is that none of the Hebrew words that we translate as “sacrifice” or “offering” have that meaning at all. “Oleh” means “to go up” to where God is, “korban” means “to draw near” to God, “minkhah” is another word for “a portion” or piece of a whole. Even the Latin root of “sacraficere” just means “sacred rites” - like crossing yourself when you step into a church, a wedding, a funeral, etc.
It’s been a while since I’ve read Leviticus or Deuteronomy, but at least the sacrifices at the festivals weren’t about rendering animals unusable to the people, but about creating space to gather together to eat a meal with the Lord. It wasn’t about demolishing flocks to make Israel trust Yhwh, it was about Being! Near! Him!
And the animals that he requested paint a picture of how we draw near to him - bring him your bulls (“broken into pieces”) when you need to be reminded of how His strength brings breakthrough - or to confess when your strength has broken others. Feast on sheep (“trample down, subdue”) when you feel downtrodden - or to confess the places where you have trampled others. Bring him your pigeons (“fermenting, bubbling up”) to share the things that have been bubbling inside of you, the griefs and complaints that are threatening to transform you and instead let Him transform you.
As I sat with the picture of my broken jar, I realized that God had Gideon smash his jars on purpose - to light them on fire and wage war. And the truth is, I don’t know that I would make a very good jar of oil at this point anyways and maybe, cutting though they be, God’s withness and nearness is the kind of sacrifice I need.
I’m already “broken enough” to be with. And God’s not out there dropping rocks onto my shards so I break more, but he’s sitting among the pieces getting sometimes cut because that’s the kind of I AM He is.
Do you have any places of brokenness that you need God’s nearness? What kind of a sacrifice would make space for you to remember or experience that reality?
Burning whatever dribbles of oil that are left,
-Beth
